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276 How to Navigate Your Healing Journey: What Helps and What Holds You Back?

Jul 25, 2024

Episode Summary: 

We’re in the midst of the Sacred Scars Stories Series, during which I’m talking to real people who have experienced real pain, real wounds, and come out on the other side of healing with beautiful sacred scars to show for it. This week, I’m talking with author, trauma-informed life coach, Janell Rardon, seeking her perspective as a mental health professional regarding what prevents people from seeking healing as well as key steps or activities to help in our healing journey. 


Quotables from the episode:

  • God didn’t create us to go through difficult experiences alone.
  • Asking God “Why did this happen” is rarely of much help. The answer to “why?” doesn’t really satisfy our longing and pain, but there are other questions that are more helpful.
  • A wound is something that disrupts life. It stops you in your tracks and disrupts forward motion and causes pain.
  • We have jarring experiences that interrupt the normal flow, and perhaps interrupts our ability to cope with normal life, and causes physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual pain.
  • On the other hand, a scar is actually a healed wound. Scars don’t erase the memory of the pain from the wound, but they don’t allow the pain to take up the same real estate anymore because healing has taken place.
  • The book Sacred Scars highlights we as humans hurt, and are susceptible to the lies of the enemy. The enemy is referred to as The Father of Lies and as The Accuser of the Brethren. He is constantly whispering in our ears that we aren’t loveable, we can’t be forgiven, and that we have no value, no worth, and no purpose and that we deserve the pain we experience.
  • I’ve had a tendency in the past to look at my scars as an ugly reminder of the pain I have gone through. My hope is that readers of Sacred Scars can get to the point that they no longer look at their scars with disdain but as something beautiful that shows that they have overcome and that there is no shame to those scars.
  • If we can make that shift from shaming or shameful to sacred, then we have won the victory.
  • Shame is liars language, whereas grace is the language of love. If we are filtering our wounded experience through the hands of a Father God who loves us, then He is the one who will help us get from a place of shame to a sacred place.
  • I was so ashamed of my physical scars. I had heard the verse that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. But because my deformity occurred after birth, I could not fathom how God could find it beautiful or wonderful, so I couldn’t either.
  • What brought about healing in my heart was when I read over the resurrection story in the Bible and realized that Jesus still had his scars in his resurrected body. Those scars were beautiful and served the purpose of proving that He was who He said He was and that He had done what He said He would do. In the same way, our scars are beautiful and serve a redemptive purpose.
  • There are primarily four things that prevent people from seeking healing for their painful wounds: 1) Pride 2) Shame 3) Fear and 4) Discomfort
    • Pride says, “I’ve got this.”
    • Shame says, “I am a mistake.”
    • Fear says, “I’m afraid of the future.”
    • Discomfort says, “I’m uncomfortable with others knowing the worst part of me.
  • It takes courage to say, “I need help here” with a wise, discerning purpose who can make space for you and your healing.
  • As a mental health professional, nothing our patients say surprises us anymore. We’ve heard just about everything and just want to help our patients through it, knowing that when they share their darkest secrets and bring them into the light, they no longer hold the power over them.
  • Once we let the light in, shame has to flee!
  • No one comes into our office because everything is going well. Once they share, relief sets in because once they share their pain, they realize it was not as bad as they expected.
  • Some things that help our healing journey are: find things that bring joy and a sense of equanimity, find ways to play and find pleasure, destress and stop the flood of cortisol, live from a place of pre-forgiveness.
  • When we don’t find healing, our brain continues to live from a state of emergency.
  • Extend as much grace to yourself that you would extend to your best friend.
  • God did not create us as human doings. He created us as human beings. He wants us just to be.
  • When reconciliation is impossible, remember that greatest amount of work being done is in you, and that will help you the most in the long run.
  • Live from a state of pre-forgiveness, which means humans will inevitably hurt us, so we look at them having already decided to forgive things they would say or do that would hurt me. Remember, everyone is hurting from something, and hurt people hurt other people.
  • The foundation of our sacred scars is in getting to know who we really are, as God created us.
  • We cannot change another person, but we can work on our own healing and our own wellness.
  • Often, wanting revenge, prevents our own healing. It’s a natural thing to want but detrimental to our own healing.
  • Revenge comes when we are so deeply hurt that we want another to hurt as badly as we do so that they can understand how we feel.
  • God says in his Word, “Vengeance is mine.”
  • We will never fully heal as long as we are harboring bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness not just toward others, but toward ourselves or God. We are often the hardest person for us to forgive.


Scripture References:

  • Romans 12:17-19 NKJV “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.   Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.  

 

Recommended Resources: 

 

Social Media Links for Guest and Host:

Connect with Janell Rardon:

Website / Facebook / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube

Guest:

Author Janell Rardon is a trauma-informed, board-certified life coach specializing in family systems. Her latest book, Stronger Every Day: 9 Tools for an Emotionally Healthy You, helps bridge the gap between faith and mental health. Her newest title, "Grandmother," is the greatest blessing. Visit janellrardon.com for more free resources.

 

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson