Jul 12, 2019
Episode Summary:
We have all experienced the loss of loved ones, and if you
haven’t, you will, because death happens to all of us. If you have
ever had a friend or loved one who is terminally ill or referred to
hospice care at the end of their life, or wondered about hospice
and what they do, then today is the perfect show for you.
In this episode, I’m talking with my friend, Shelley Sisson, a
retired hospice and palliative care nurse. Shelley shares what
hospice care entails, when it is utilized, and how to die well. She
shares that the end of life is like standing on holy ground, and
although it can be painful to watch a friend or loved one with a
terminal illness die, that we can catch glimpses of heavenly
treasures if we will look for them.
When a terminally ill patient has been referred for hospice
care, the goal is symptom management and to keep them as
comfortable as possible during whatever time they have left.
Hospice has a team that works together to provide medication
management, self-care, chaplain services, as well as patient and
family education to help the family best support their loved one at
the end of their life.
Shelley shares how we can best support a friend or loved one
with a terminal illness receiving hospice care, as well as how we
can support their grieving loved ones. Death is inevitable
for all of us, but we can take the opportunity to die well.
Quotables from the episode:
- Today we’re going to be talking about hope in the midst of
loving someone with a terminal illness.
- If you have ever had a friend or loved one who is terminally
ill and referred to hospice care, or wondered about hospice and
what they do, then today is the perfect show for you.
- It’s crucial that at the end of life, we learn how to die
well.
- Hospice is medical care that can be provided once a doctor has
said that there is nothing else that can be done to cure a
condition. Hospice provides care and comfort measures, to address
symptoms, and to keep the patient comfortable in their final
days.
- Hospice care is usually provided for the last few days to
months of a terminally ill patient’s life.
- If you or your loved one are not clicking with your hospice
team, there are other teams available, and it’s okay to ask to be
transferred to work with another team that might be a better
fit.
- Hospice helps provide support for administering medications,
self-care for the patient, and trains the family to be able to best
support their loved one.
- There is always a last dose of medication. Someone has to
administer the last dose. But it is not the last dose that has
caused them to die. It is not something to feel guilty about.
- Don’t exclude your children from the dying process. They tend
to handle it better than adults do. But if you don’t include them,
they will be prone to believe lies rather than the truth about the
situation, and those lies can haunt them into adulthood.
- Please don’t tell your little children that the patient went to
sleep, because everyone goes to sleep every night, but that can
cause fear that they will go to sleep and never wake up. Tell them
the truth.
- Look for Jesus. He promised that He will never leave us or
forsake us. He is there in the room with your loved one. If they
are staring at someone, ask them what they see. If a patient
indicates they are seeing something, encourage them to ask. God
gives them glimpses of heaven to prepare them to leave this world
and enter the next world. The only struggle they have is leaving
this world and leaving their family members behind.
- It’s okay to cry. Tears are liquid prayers.
- Some of the signs and signals that we can see if we look for
them, are God’s way of comforting them so they are not afraid of
leaving this world. But patients and their loved ones often
experience fear at the thought of death. But God is not going to
let them go through this alone.
- Tell your friend or loved one that you love them, that you will
miss them, but that will be okay. Patients often hold on longer
because they fear their loved ones won’t be okay in their
absence.
- Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes words aren’t necessary,
but your presence always matters. Don’t be afraid to laugh—laughter
is good medicine.
- To the loved ones of a terminally ill patient, let them know
that you are going to be there for them. Let them know that their
feelings are normal, and that what they are going through is
normal. Let them know that there is no time span cut off for grief.
Share your fond memories of them and their loved ones.
- A new normal will develop although it doesn’t happen quickly.
Nothing seems normal anymore, but that will change over time. The
intense grief will lessen, but you will still miss your loved one.
Even Jesus wept when Lazarus died, which gives us permission to
grieve.
- If you are mourning or grieving, it is not a lack of faith. It
just attests to how much you love them, and how much it hurts to go
on without them. It’s a hard battle in your own soul to know that
they will be better off, even if it means you have to let go.
- To the one with a terminal illness, take every moment to love
on your loved ones that you have. Even with a terminal illness, it
can be a blessing to give you a chance to make amends. Love them.
Know that Jesus is with you. He is going to be with you in this
process and be with you on the other side.
- To the loved ones of terminally ill patients, if you are both
believers, you will see your loved one again. It’s hard, but you
will see them again. God is faithful—He will mend your heart. He
won’t erase your memories, but He will mend your heart.
- Not even death can separate us from the love of God.
Scripture References:
- Deuteronomy 31:6 “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid
and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally
go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
- Joshua 1:9, “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do
not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you
wherever you go.”
- Romans 8:38-39 says “And I am convinced that nothing can ever
separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels
nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about
tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s
love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed,
nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the
love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
- Zephaniah 3:17 says, “For the Lord your God is living among
you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with
gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will
rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
Recommended Resources:
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Air Date: July 8, 2019
Guest: Shelley Sisson, retired hospice and
palliative care nurse
Shelley was a Certified Hospice and Palliative Care Nurse for 12
years and worked all over the United States, but mostly in Oklahoma
and Central Texas. She retired and moved back to Oklahoma. She
still has a passion for all things hospice and what it provides to
patients and their families.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson